Author: tedsilar
A Christmas Song: “I Wanted Love for Christmas”
THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS SONG
Quite a long time ago now, I conceived the idea of writing a Jazz Standard, Great American Songbook-style Christmas Song. I was playing a cocktail piano gig at the time, I think, and all those classic American songs were running through my head and flowing through my fingers. Many of which ended up somewhere in my song.
And so I wrote the Choruses and the Bridge to “I Wanted Love for Christmas.” I was thinking maybe Peggy Lee or Nancy Wilson.
Years later, I think while I was teaching a class in songwriting, I was getting obsessed with classic American song form. To wit (I think): Introduction, Verse, Vamp, Chorus, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus, Reprise, Ending, Tag. And so, I expanded on my simple ditty. I think the finished song has most of those parts. As well as most of Christmas. If you think this makes the song “too long,” then you don’t get it.
Years later, I made the video from odds and ends I found on the random internet. I especially wanted a picture that suggested bourgeois Christmas contentment. Because almost all of those Jazz Standard, Great American Songbook-type songs I was aspiring to emulate one way or another touched on the theme of upward mobility. My theory is that the audience for big band music and songs from Broadway musicals was young, upwardly mobile, urban young adults. Or those who aspired to be. At any rate, I found the picture I was looking for, and it’s at the top of this page.
The recording is just me and my old trusty Yamaha piano. In my head, though, it’s maybe the Count Basie big band accompanying maybe Chris Connor.
Here’s the video:
I Wanted Love for Christmas on Vimeo
Non-Frightening Ringtone: Help Is on the Way
Awakened and terrified out of your wits by a ringing phone? Nevermore, with the “NON-FRIGHTENING RINGTONE.”
You are sleeping soundly in a very quiet room.
All of a sudden, a sudden noise shocks you awake! Your heart thumps wildly. Your head is a ball of confusion. A near heart-attack for a wrong number.
Ringtones don’t scare everybody. But they do scare some of us, especially old people, light sleepers, people with raw nerves, and people with PTSD who are sensitive to loud, abrupt noises.
And me! They often terrify me. My pulse rate goes through the roof. Which scares me even more.
It doesn’t matter if the phone is a cell phone or a land line. It doesn’t matter if the ringtone is a song or a beep or a bell.
A ringtone suddenly going off in a quiet room scares the living daylights out of many of us.
Many companies supposedly sell “gentle ringtones,”
But they don’t sound very “gentle” to me.
And they still start up suddenly, abruptly, frighteningly.
NON-FRIGHTENING RINGTONE CHARACTERISTICS
Here is my suggestion:
1. RINGTONES THAT DON’T START SUDDENLY, ABRUPTLY.
2. Ringtones that START BELOW THE RANGE OF HUMAN HEARING, and then GRADUALLY INCREASE IN VOLUME.
3. Ringtones made out of a sound that is very SOFT AND SOOTHING, like gentle waves, a trickling brook, white noise, etc.
CUSTOMERS FOR NON-FRIGHTENING RINGTONES
Old People
Light Sleepers
People with raw nerves
People with PTSD, who are very sensitive to loud, abrupt noises
Victims of phonophobia
Getting rid of the suddenness of ringtones will probably save lives by keeping people’s pulse rate manageable.
Transdermal Skin Patches for Everything
I propose creating “Transdermal Skin Patches for Everything” that you ingest or inject for health.
Transdermal skin patches have many uses: anti-nicotine addiction, pain therapy, hormone replacement, contraception, nitroglycerine treatment, motion sickness treatment, anti-hypertension, anti-depressants, ADHD treatment, Altzheimer’s treatment, chemotherapy symptom treatment, and B12 supplementation. An insulin patch is in development.
Patches are usually superior to ingestion because the medicine or nutrition goes DIRECTLY into the bloodstream without the interference of the digestive process.
Patches are superior to injection because they are LESS INVASIVE and less “all-at-once,” MORE “TIMED-RELEASE.”
Theoretically you can make a patch for ANYTHING that you can ingest or inject.
USES FOR TRANSDERMAL SKIN PATCHES
THAT HAVE NOT BEEN INVENTED YET
1. ORAL REHYDRATION THERAPY
The cheapest and most effective way to treat dehydration (caused by a variety of diseases such as dysentery, cholera, diarrhea, rotavirus, etc.) is ingestion of a simple solution of salt, sugar, and water, a therapy known as “Oral Rehydration Therapy.”
Manufacturers could impregnate a patch with salt, sugar, and water. Health care providers could then use it for those with an obstructed esophagus, or those who need direct and immediate hydration, or when intravenous injection of salt, sugar, and water is not available.
2. NUTRITION
Patches would be much preferable to tube-feeding for patients who are comatose or whose esophagus is blocked, or who suffer from dysphagia.
Once upon a time, the army was developing a total, all-nutrition-in-1-patch “Transdermal Nutrition Delivery System,” but they seem to have discontinued the project. And now the link has disappeared. Here is what the link used to be: http://archives.tproc.org/www.sbccom.army.mil/products/food/tdnds.pdf
I propose a separate patch for each nutrient (instead of the Army’s all-in-1 approach): 1 patch with protein, 1 with fats, 1 with carbohydrates, 1 with each important vitamin and mineral.
There already are patches for vitamins and minerals.
But not for protein, carbohydrates, or fats.
I suggest adding “protease,” a protein-digesting enzyme, to a protein patch.
I suggest adding “lipase,” a fat-digesting enzyme, to a fat patch (counter-intuitively, fat is necessary to nutrition).
I suggest adding “amylase,” a carbohydrate-digesting enzyme, to a carbohydrate patch.
Alternately, since protein needs to be broken down by enzymes to be absorbed into the bloodstream anyway, I suggest a patch impregnated with protein already broken down by protease into amino acid—an “AMINO ACID PATCH.”
3. OXYGEN
Oxygen-impregnated patches could help the oxygen-deprived.
TCOT, or “Transdermal Continuous Oxygen Therapy,” continuously bathes wounds in pure oxygen. The “Epiflo” device infuses oxygen into a sterile dressing. But it is a bulky machine. And it doesn’t deliver the oxygen into the bloodstream.
EPIFLO® Transdermal Continuous Oxygen Therapy | WoundSource
“Oxygen Infusion Therapy” is a cosmetic facial treatment. It works similarly to TCOT. It also does not deliver the oxygen into the bloodstream. Intraceuticals Oxygen Infusion | Renew Esthetics (renewed-you.com)
I propose IMPREGNATING A TRANSDERMAL PATCH WITH A LIQUID THAT IS ALREADY OXYGEN-INFUSED (possibly blood or blood plasma), and that can be absorbed through the skin into the bloodstream.
4. BLOOD PLASMA
Since transdermal patches infuse material directly through the skin into the bloodstream, it seems as if phlebotomists could use patches impregnated with red blood, or with blood plasma, for transfusions without needles.
6. CHEMOTHERAPY
There are patches for treating the symptoms of chemotherapy. But no patches that administer the various constituents of chemotherapy. Why not?
7. COUMADIN, ANTI-VIRALS, ANTI-BIOTICS, etc.
Coumadin, anti-virals, anti-biotics, and a whole host of other treatments could be better administered by patch instead of by pill or injection.
CUSTOMERS
Pharmaceutical companies that are already making transdermal patches. Patients who have problems with ingestion or injection. Patients who have problems keeping track of their dosages, who forget to take their pills, etc. Doctors who want easier ways to help their patients access any of these substances. Anyone with a need for direct, non-invasive, timed-release infusion of substances into the bloodstream.
Plastic Bag that Stands Up Like a Paper Bag
Groceries falling all over the floor? What if you had a “PLASTIC BAG THAT STANDS UP LIKE A PAPER BAG“?
ENVIRONMENTALISTS, PLEASE NOTE:
I am with you. Plastic bags are horrible for the environment, there can be no doubt.
But this plastic bag idea will at least make the everyday plastic bag re-usable, rather than disposable. Its re-usability and extra utility will induce people to use less plastic bags overall.
It is not an ideal solution. But it is a step in the right direction, a viable stopgap solution.
Of course, these bags MUST be made of true bio-degradable (not just “degradable”) corn-based plastic, or I am against them.
The PLastic bag that standS up: THE STORy
Before I got my cloth grocery bags (which are best of all, but too many people don’t buy them or use them), I used to always ask for “paper inside plastic” at the grocery store, even though it was somewhat wasteful.
Why?
Plastic bags have HANDLES, for ease in carrying—and they are WATERPROOF, so they don’t break open when they get wet.
But when you set them down, they fall over, and all your groceries fall out over the floor.
Paper bags, on the other hand, STAND UP when you set them down. Your groceries stay where they are, nicely packed.
But they have no handles and they break open when they get wet.
I wanted bags that:
A. would stand up like paper bags, but
B. had handles (and were waterproof) like plastic bags.
THE SOLUTION
Reinforce the plastic in the plastic bag so that it stands up on 4 corners, just like the paper bag.
How can this idea be a GREEN idea?
A. Plastic bags that are made sturdily enough to stand up would be sturdy enough that customers, and grocery stores, would see the value in CHARGING A DEPOSIT for them.
B. Paper bags are not really green, either. They are also disposable, though more biodegradable.
C. If stand-up plastic bags are made from true bio-degradable (not degradable) corn-based plastic, then, even if they are thrown away, they will bio-degrade.
The idea is to create grocery bags that are too good to throw away, that are worth the deposit money in and of themselves.
CUSTOMERS
Manufacturers of plastic bags, grocery stores, grocery store customers, anybody who wants a bag that stands up but has handles and is waterproof at the same time.
Folded-Over Potato Chips Maker
Digging for those tastiest-of-all folded-over potato chips? Dig no more with the “FOLDED POTATO CHIPS MAKER.”
Have you ever noticed that the best-tasting deep-fried potato chips are the folded-over ones? Have you ever found yourself digging through the bag for the folded-over chips?
And yet, only about a quarter of the chips in any given bag are usually folded over.
What causes potato chips to fold over?
Because raw potato slices that are a little bit thinner in the middle naturally fold over in the deep-frying process.
And so, I designed a wire slicer (using the same design as a standard wire slicer for vegetables and hard-boiled eggs) to make slices that will fold over.
WIRE SLICER DESIGN
Each wire in the wire slicer has a wire OVAL in the middle that cuts out a little slot at the center of each potato slice, to make it slightly thinner in the middle. (See diagram)
I also thought of a way to mass produce folded-over potato ships.
AIR SPRAYER DESIGN
1. A conveyor belt carries the raw potato slices at an angle down into a vat of boiling oil.
2. Two arms guide a pinch-wire to hold down the middle of each raw potato slice in a row.
3. A row of air sprayers sprays the front half of the row of raw potato slices back.
4. The raw potato slices descend into the boiling oil and cook in a folded-over shape.
CUSTOMERS
Manufacturers of deep-fried potato chips who want to draw more customers, or who need a new improvement to help sales. People who like potato chips. Home-made potato-chip makers who like folded-over potato chips best.
No more digging. The whole bag is full of folded-over potato chips.
I love folded-over potato chips
Halfbakery: folded potato chips
Right Shoe Heel Reinforcement
Right shoe heel wear out way before your left shoe heel?
Stop the erosion with the “RIGHT SHOE HEEL REINFORCEMENT.”
The outside, rear edge of my right shoe heel always wears away long before the rest of my shoe does.
Why?
Driving. I drive too much. Many of us do.
The right outside rear edge of my right shoe heel rests on the floor while my foot works the gas pedal. And it grinds and grinds and grinds, each time I accelerate or decelerate.
The solution?
An attachment, of molded plastic or metal, for the outside rear edge of the right shoe.
It could be glued on, nailed on, or sewed in.
Or included in the manufacturing process.
Shoes for race-car drivers sometimes have a reinforced right shoe heel.
Why not race-car driver quality shoes for the rest of us?
Now, it is true that they do make big, clumsy, “shoe protectors” you take on and off over your shoes like galoshes.
{Updated} Top 10 Best shoe protector for drivers {Guide & Reviews} (toptenatoz.com)
But who wants to take shoe protectors on and off every time one runs to the 7-11?
Because of the extra wear on the right heel, my shoes have to be replaced or re-soled long before they should need to be. With a right shoe heel reinforcement, my shoes would last longer, without need for re-soling (or putting on shoe-protector galoshes), thus saving me money.
CUSTOMERS
- People who drive a lot,
- People whose heels wear out too fast,
- People who want shoes to last longer,
- People who want to save money on shoes or re-soling.
“THIS SIDE UP” Envelopes: Upside-Down Begone
Addressing your envelopes upside-down way too often? You never will again with the “‘THIS SIDE UP’ ENVELOPE.”
I am sure I am not the only one who laboriously addresses an envelope, only to find, when he turns it over, that he has addressed it upside-down. I know that I should always check, but too often, I forget, or I am just in a hurry.
If only I had envelopes with a little arrow on the front telling me where the top is, this problem would never happen again. It would solve a common, recurrent, and infuriating problem. (Unless of course you believe that an upside-down-addressed envelope says, “I love you.”)
THREE OPTIONAL DESIGNS
1. The Obvious Option: Print “ THIS SIDE UP ” at the top of the envelope.
2. The Artistic Option: Print an attractive band of arrows on the left and right borders of the envelope.
3. The Hidden Option: Print a little arrow right where the stamp goes, so that it will be hidden underneath the stamp.
CUSTOMERS
Any absent-minded, hurried person like me who mails letters. This is the kind of problem that people forget they have until advertising reminds them of it. They see an ad, a lightbulb goes on in their heads, they snap their fingers, say, “Oh, yeah. Boy, do I need one of those,” and purchase the product.
“THIS SIDE UP” labels are available from many sources.
But no pre-printed, “THIS SIDE UP” envelopes are available. And they should be.
Multiferroic Composite Electricity Generation
Generate electricity from excess heat, directly, with “Multiferroic Composite-Electroplating: Electricity Generation from Excess Heat.”
Everywhere, heat is going to waste, not being used for electricity generation.
There are now 2 types of devices that convert heat into electricity.
1. “THERMO-ELECTRIC (TEGs)” Using “Thermocouples”.
TEGs are inefficient. Nevertheless, work should be done on finding ways to clad all heat-emitting devices in TEGs. Even if a single device only generated a small amount of electricity from excess heat, if millions of devices, if every heat-emitting device in every household was generating that small amount—it would add up to a very large amount of electricity.
2. MULTIFERROIC COMPOSITES
Recently, a multiferroic composite of nickel, cobalt, manganese, and tin has been shown to create a magnetic field from variations in temperature. This magnetic field can then be used for electricity generation from excess heat—to generate it much more efficiently than thermocouples.
New Alloy Can Convert Heat Directly Into Electricity | Popular Science (popsci.com)
I suggest finding a way to encase, or house, or clad, heat-emitting devices, like a furnace, with this multiferroic composite.
The multiferroic composite must then be surrounded by a coil, which generates electricity from the magnetic field.
Alternately, a sheath or covering or attachment could be invented to retro-fit already manufactured heat-emitting devices.
HEAT SOURCES ARE EVERYWHERE
Stoves, ranges, ovens, microwaves, furnaces, registers, radiators, hot water heaters, electric lamps, fireplaces, pot-bellied stoves, and electronics like TVs and computers all generate excess heat in the household.
Car engines generate a lot of waste excess heat.
GENERATORS OF HUGE AMOUNTS OF HEAT
Steel mills and other kinds of factories generate huge amounts of excess heat.
Power plants—coal-fired, natural-gas-powered, and nuclear—interestingly generate massive amounts of excess heat for electricity generation. If this heat could be used to generate more electricity, a potentially valuable feedback loop might be created.
And geothermal sources like geysers and hot springs generate much excess heat. Just to name a few.
Some might object that multiferroic composite electricity generators would generate a small amount of electricity in relation to the amount of heat. I would argue that, when you have huge amounts of excess heat available, as in a power plant, then the amount of electricity generated from multiferroic composite generators would not be small, but significant.
GENERATORS OF SMALL AMOUNTS OF HEAT
Especially useful would be re-fitting electric ranges, stoves, and ovens, to recycle, in a feedback loop, the electricity the excess heat of the device generates back into the operation of the device.
Why are cooking devices important?
Cooking devices are necessities. Electric cooking devices pollute and de-forest less. But they use a lot of electricity. If the amount they use could be decreased, electric cookers could be used in third-world villages and run by solar power or by some other locally-generated means.
The amount of electricity generation from heat with multi-ferroic composites is still very small.
But—to reiterate—if every heat-generating source in the world was cladded with them, a lot of electricity would be produced, because there are a lot of heat-generating devices in the world.
Also, the higher the temperature, and the larger the heat generator, the more electricity. Thus, the large amount of excess heat steel mills, power plants (including nuclear power plants), and geothermal sources give off, the electricity they could produce would not be inconsiderable.
CUSTOMERS
Owners and managers of factories, steel mills, kilns, utilities—any commercial buildings that generate a lot of heat.
Appliance manufacturers.
Construction companies.
Do-it-yourself home-builders.
Retro-fitters.
Anyone interested in clean, green electricity generation and conservation/efficiency.
Fridge-Saver Pizza Box: Save Space, Save Slice
Huge leftover pizza boxes cluttering your fridge?
Fold them up and save space with the “FRIDGE-SAVER PIZZA BOX.”
Everybody has had the experience of trying to store leftover slices of pizza by putting the slices back into the box and then stuffing the whole box into the refrigerator.
And the box is way too big. It is hard to close the refrigerator door with that big box sticking out, and you have to move around or squash lots of other stuff to get the box in.
With the FRIDGE-SAVER PIZZA BOX, you halve the size of the box, thus halving refrigerator space taken up, while still leaving plenty of room in which to store leftover slices.
THE DESIGN:
1. Take a normal pizza box design.
2. Add perforations where the top attaches to the bottom of the box.
3. Add one fold through the very middle of the bottom of the box (There are two optional ways to do this. See drawings: “Diagonal Fridge-Saver Pizza Box,” and “Rectangular Fridge-Saver Pizza Box.”)
4. Add a second fold to either side of the first fold. This second fold should be as far from the first fold as the width of a side of the bottom of the box.
5. Add pop-out tabs in the sides of the bottom of the box between these two folds, as indicated in the drawings.
Here is how the customer would use the product:
1. Remove the top of the pizza box by tearing along the perforations.
2. Pop out the pop-out tabs on the sides of the bottom of the box.
3. Fold the short side of the bottom of the box into the long side.
4. Place the leftover slices into this half-sized pizza box and put it in the refrigerator.
CUSTOMERS
Companies that make pizza boxes for pizza restaurants and pizza delivery companies. Also, big pizza chains, like Pizza Hut or Domino’s.
Any pizza company that adopts the FRIDGE-SAVER PIZZA BOX can use the box in their advertising, as an extra added appeal to customers over and above the pizza itself. Providing such a bonus shows care and concern for the customer.
EASE OF USE
It is very, very simple.
People who have stuffed themselves on pizza and guzzled a six-pack of beer in the process do not want and will not use a complicated pizza box solution. With the FRIDGE-SAVER PIZZA BOX, all you do is separate the top, pop two tabs, and fold.
SIMILAR BUT COMPLICATED PRODUCT
The “Green Box” design is excellent
Custom GreenBox Pizza Box – PrattBox
The only thing that makes the FRIDGE-SAVER PIZZA BOX competitive with the Green Box is simplicity.
Simply put, The Fridge-Saver design is much easier to manage, especially with a bellyful of pizza and beer!