Free Inventions – I hereby give these my inventions to the world. I give you permission to steal these ideas, improve on them, manufacture them, and make a profit on them. If any of these ideas has already been invented, then all the better, and somebody get me one. But if nobody has yet, then they are free for anybody to take and use and may they serve you well.
E-mail writers and texters are always looking for ways to have fun with (not to mention make more interesting) their often-humdrum e-mails and texts. But they only have one writing style—their own. Until now. Now they can write in the style of the great writers of the past.
Fiction writers trying to recreate the writing style of a historical period need an easy, fast way to avoid anachronisms.
Satirists and humorists enjoy parodying the styles of a bygone era for humorous purposes.
Scholars studying old texts use such apps to better understand texts written in the past in context, to avoid anachronistic errors, and to test authorship, among other things.
Benjamin Schmidt, for instance, has created a program for assessing the amount of anachronism in TV scripts. Benjamin M Schmidt (wordpress.com)
THE DESIGN:
Use Schmidt’s and other “linguistic inquiry” or “word-count” type algorithms as a template to create an app where a user could:
1. Translate a modern text into a text written in the writing style and vocabulary of a particular historical period—say a present-day love-text translated into Shakespearean English,
2. Identify the historical period and dialect of an old text,
3. Identify anachronisms in historical fiction text,
4. Run a word-fingerprint to help identify anonymous communications,
5. Identify the emotional content of texts,
6. Perform in fact any kind of word-count-oriented linguistic inquiry one might require.
CUSTOMERS
I personally think this would be a god-send for viewers and readers like me whose illusion of reality is constantly being kiboshed by anachronistic (or “prochronistic,” as Ben Schmidt would have it) writing style in dramas and stories set in historical epochs whose language style they are familiar with. Moreover, wouldn’t it be wonderful to listen to or read dialogue purportedly spoken or written by a writer of the past and have it actually sound or read like that writer? Think of all those take-offs on Jane Austen that don’t sound like Jane Austen at all.
Retrace great treks, trails, battles, pilgrimages, with every step, every byway, every landmark laid out for you, with “PATHFINDER.”
Pilgrims, hikers, history buffs, eco-tourists, fans of novels of travel (like “On the Road”), tourists looking for an alternative, tourists without a tour guide, trekkers, tourists looking for unity and meaning in their travels, or visitors to an area just looking for something interesting to do, all like to be able to follow the route of a famous trip exactly, and to know exactly where things happened—even if they are standing in the middle of a parking lot.
Sometimes, the route of a famous trek will follow a main road, but then veer off. People who are interested in the true route of the famous trek like to know exactly where the trail veers off the main road, whether they decide to follow it or not.
Sometimes trekkers will locate a site of interest along their legendary trek, but can find out nothing about it.
Sometimes a trekker gets hungry or needs lodging while following a famous trek.
Also—it would be in the clear interest of any municipalities and/or places of business along any of these routes to A. advertise on PATHFINDER, and B. recommend PATHFINDER to visitors and patrons.
THE DESIGN:
Tie in GPS to an APP, “PATHFINDER,” that directs such fans and buffs along a famous trek, step by step, landmark by landmark.
The trekker can be kept on course minute by minute, with information provided for each site of interest, no matter how insignificant, in real time.
And then:
As the trekker nears a site of interest:
A. Relevant historical narratives, background, photos, videos, and descriptions, as well as
B. Recommendations, admonitions, things to do, opening/closing times, nearby restaurants, lodging, medical and law enforcement facilities, etc., can pop up, just in time.
The Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem (Israel)
The Exodus Route (there are several possible routes) (Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Israel)
Basho’s Narrow Road to the Deep North Trip (Japan)
Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales” Pilgrimage (England)
The Appian Way (and other Ancient Roman roads) (Italy)
Other Pilgrimages like Lourdes (France), and Santiago de Compostela (Spain)
Voyages of Marco Polo (Many Countries)
Jules Verne’s “Around the World in 80 Days” Trip (Many Countries)
The 3 Crusades Routes (Many Countries)
Napoleon’s Invasion of and Retreat from Russia (mostly Russia)
The Ancient Greek Marathon (Greece)
Leopold Bloom’s Bloomsday Travels from James Joyce’s “Ulysses” (Ireland)
Cortez’s Route to Mexico City (Mexico)
The PATHFINDER app will be more intense, precise, comprehensive, and immediate than tour books or generalized web-maps and descriptions.
It will turn the usually fragmented touring experience into a satisfying whole, with a meaning—like a pilgrimage, even if not actually a pilgrimage.
Facial tissues stop popping up halfway through the box? Keep them popping up with the “IMBEDDED ADDITIONAL PLASTIC FACIAL TISSUE BOX DISPENSER TISSUE HOLDER.”
THE PROBLEM
The perforated plastic dispenser opening on the top of facial tissue boxes works great until you are a little more than halfway through. Then the tissues fall down inside the box, and the tissue holder opening won’t hold them up anymore. You end up digging down through the plastic opening and pulling out and wasting a handful of tissues. And you can’t get to a tissue in a hurry when you have to dig, especially when you are not looking, or when you are in bed and the room is dark.
ATTEMPTED SOLUTIONS
Some people have attempted Boob McNutt solutions. But the real solution should come from the factory, so that the customer has to do no extra McGiver improvisation.
THE SOLUTION
My invention is simple. Imbed a second perforated plastic tissue holder a little more than halfway down in the pile of tissues. The remaining tissues will then have TWO tissue holders holding them up for ease of grabbing. No more digging, waste, and slowdowns when you feel a sneeze coming fast.
CUSTOMERS
High-end facial tissue companies like Kleenex and Puffs who like to promote their product superiority and provide extra benefits to their customers, customers such as people with eye issues who need to wipe away a lot of eyedrops, people with bad respiratory ailments and allergies “laid-up” in bed who use a lot of tissues and who find the slightest problem with their tissue dispenser aggravating, actors and make-up artists and hairdressers who use a lot of tissues, people who often use tissues for make-up, etc.
Hear the Majestic, Out-of-this-World Sounds of Outer Space, in tune! With the “MIRACULOUS FONGING XYLOPHONE.”
THE ART OF “FONGING”
“FONGING” has been around a long time.
It’s easy. Try it. (See upper drawing labeled “FONGING.)
1. Take length of string, at least 3 feet long.
2. Slide it between the tines of an oven rack.
3. Wrap the 2 ends of the string around your 2 index fingers.
4. Place your index fingers into your ears.
5. Raise the rack up so that it hangs freely.
6. Bump and strike and strum the oven rack.
You will hear sounds you would not believe a human ear could hear. I guarantee it.
The sounds are profound, majestic, overwhelming—as if the entire universe were resonating inside your head.
You can hear recordings of these sounds on the internet.
But INTERNET RECORDINGS DO NOT BEGIN TO CAPTURE THE TRUE EFFECT of having the sounds plugged directly into your ears.
Thus, THIS INSTRUMENT CANNOT BE ELECTRONIC.
It must be mechanical. It must be tangible and physical and present.
THE DESIGN
I took the “FONGING” idea and made it into a musical instrument, “THE MIRACULOUS FONGING XYLOPHONE.” (See lower drawing.)
1. TUNING – The tines of the “rack” (see drawing) are cut into different sizes (instead of all being the same size, as on a conventional oven rack), ranking from small to large. Each tine is tuned to a different pitch–like the graduated bars of a xylophone. 2. FRAME – The rack, with its tuned, different-size tines, is hung inside a square, four-legged frame, by rubber bands, by springs, or by anything that will allow maximum free vibration. 3. IN-EAR-PHONES – To replicate the effect of the index finger in the ears, in-ear-phones are attached to the vibrating “rack.” At least 2 in-ear-phones are needed: one for a listener, and one for the xylophone player. 4. MALLETS – A wide variety of mallets can be used to evoke different kinds of sounds from the instrument. A good option would be “Hammer Dulcimer” hammers, which are made to hammer on thin metal strings.
Note: The drawing is as simple as possible.
1. The NUMBER of tuned tines is optional (The drawing only shows 4, for clarity). Theoretically, there could be 4 octaves worth, or 48 tines, as in a concert xylophone.
2. All sorts of ADDITIONAL CROSS-BARS, metal attachments, sympathetic metal strings, etc., can be added to the “rack” to create a wide variety of out-of-this-world sounds.
A GODSEND FOR STREET PERFORMERS
AND BUSKERS
The number one problem for musicians trying to make a living playing music on the street is that music played on normal instruments floats off into the air, where anybody can hear it for free.
Street performers and buskers would love this instrument because
A. Nobody can hear the music for free. Only a listener who puts on the in-ear-phones (for a fee) can hear.
B. People walking by, however, will see the pleasure and amazement of the listener, their curiosity will be aroused, and they will gladly line up for a chance to hear what it is.
C. The sounds are so uncanny that listeners who have paid a fee are sure to feel that they have got their money’s worth.
Anyone who likes transcendental, psychedelic, hallucinatory, mind-expanding, experiences, in other words, much of the American public, will love the sound of the MIRACULOUS FONGING XYLOPHONE.
Anyone who has slept on a goose-down mattress can tell you it is the most comfortable mattress of all.
But goose-down is expensive, difficult to harvest, and allergenic.
If artificial goose-down could be made, then down mattresses and other down products could be made available to everybody.
Especially important would be artificial down mattresses for hospital beds. Down beds are too expensive and too allergenic for use in hospitals. But they would provide much comfort to suffering, bed-bound patients.
HOW TO CONSTRUCT THE ARTIFICIAL DOWN FEATHER
SUMMARY: Artificial down feathers can be manufactured by using cellular automata to design fractals that mimic down feather construction, and either styrofoam or fractally-configured nickel-phosphorus nanotubes, as a material.
1. ARCHITECTURE IS MORE CRUCIAL TO FEATHERS THAN MATERIAL
Regular bird feathers are made of little filaments (barbs) that are connected by overlaid “hooks.” There are no hooks in a down feather. There are just millions of tiny filaments that float free.
3. WHY ARE GOOSE-DOWN FEATHERS LIGHT?
THEY ARE NOT SOLID
The architecture of a feather is what makes it so light. Instead of solid construction, it is made of many tiny filaments. An ounce of down has about 2 million fluffy filaments that interlock and overlap. Down and Feather Trivia – IDFL
4. WHAT IS THE KEY
TO goose-DOWN STRUCTURE?
DOWN IS FRACTAL
Down Feathers are constructed fractally–similarly to a snowflake (see illustration). Barbs grow from a central stem. These barbs have smaller barbs growing out of them. These smaller barbs have even smaller barbs growing out of them. Etc. Etc.
4. HOW CAN ONE DESIGN
A goose-DOWN FRACTAL?
USE “CELLULAR AUTOMATA.”
What are “Cellular automata”? Essentially, they are simple computer programs that grow fractal patterns (like that of a down feather) based on simple, pre-set rules.
5. WHAT MATERIAL SHOULD BE USED? STYROFOAM OR NANOTUBES?
STYROFOAM is a cheap plastic that could be used to make artificial down, because it is very light.
But a new material has been invented that is much lighter than styrofoam—MICRO-LATTICE NICKEL-PHOSPHORUS NANOTUBES Cellular automaton – Wikipedia
6. HOW TO MAKE NANOTUBES SOFT?
FRACTAL STRUCTURE
Micro-lattice structure, however, makes nanotubes hard and strong.
To make nanotubes soft, artificial down should not be made in a micro-lattice configuration, but from FRACTALLY-CONFIGURED NICKEL-PHOSPHORUS NANOTUBES.
Artificial Goose-Down would have the softness of goose-down but would be cheaper and hypo-allergenic.
What about “Artificial Down” products already on the market?
It is true there are currently “artificial down” products on the market. But all they do is mimic the hollow structure of bird feathers. They do not use fractal structure.
Make CD Jewel Cases into beautiful, appealing, valuable works of art, with “DESIGNER JEWEL CASES.”
Jewel Cases for CDs are mis-named.
In reality, they are just dull squares of plastic with a hinge.
There is not much variety in CD Jewel Cases.
You can get them thick or thin, and in different colors. That’s about it.
Here are the reasons for making CD Jewel Cases into works of art:
1. CD JEWEL CASES ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE.
Consumers hide them away in boxes or just get rid of them and keep their CDs in racks.
2. SELLING A PHYSICAL THING IS A MORE RELIABLE WAY OF TURNING A PROFIT THAN SELLING ELECTRONIC FILES ON A COMPUTER.
Artists who make recordings, recording companies, publishers, and retailers and manufacturers of CDs have lost sales and profits to MP3s, the internet, and piracy. They would all welcome a way to increase CD sales. If a CD and its case were worth something in and of themselves, sales would be increased and A WHOLE NEW MARKET WOULD BE CREATED.
3. MAKING A JEWEL CASE A WORK OF ART
MAKES THE THING ITSELF— NOT JUST THE INFORMATION IT CONTAINS—VALUABLE AND APPEALING.
4. JEWEL CASEs CAN BE MADE INTO
A WORK OF ART
AT A LOW COST.
Creating unique plastic molds (and perhaps paying the artist who creates them) is the only added cost–that is, if the Designer Jewel Case you design is still plastic. (Creating specialized jewel case molds should become ever easier with the advent of 3D Printing.)
I suggest that recording artists and CD wholesalers and retailers HIRE GREAT ARTISTS to create artistic designs for CD Jewel Cases.
Great artists design houseware, appliances, furnishings, clothing, jewelry, etc., creating added value for these products. Great artists could likewise create added value for CD Jewel Cases.
Here are just some of the ideas I have for making CD Jewel Cases beautiful, attractive–and therefore valuable–works of art.
CD Jewel Case PLASTIC CAN BE EASILY MOLDED into intricate, colorful, and varied designs, (see illustration), such as:
There are also a number of INTERESTING AND UNUSUAL VISUAL EFFECTS MOLDED PLASTIC CAN CREATE (See illustration):
1. MOTION CARDS (LENTICULAR PRINTING)
Everyone has seen plastic “Motion Cards” that change or move depending on the angle the image is viewed. For instance, a box of Cracker Jacks used to often contain a “Magic Motion Fun Card.” Lenticular printing is becoming more and more sophisticated, and many interesting effects can be created inexpensively in plastic using it.
2. HOLOGRAM
A 2D Hologram (or a “Pepper’s Ghost” imitation hologram, which simulates 3D) could be easily imprinted in the jewel case. In fact, I envisage a hologram imprinted into the top of the CD itself, where the circular motion of the CD creates a moving holographic image above it.
2. FRESNEL LENS (FUNHOUSE MIRROR)
A “Fresnel Lens” is a very thin, light magnifying lens with a circular design that can be easily made of plastic. It can have a visual warping effect similar to Funhouse Mirrors.
4. ETCH-A-SKETCH
A reciprocal agreement could be made with the Ohio Art Company to imbed an Etch-A-Sketch into a CD Jewel Case.
5. RUBIK’S CUBE
A Rubik’s Cube could surround the CD Jewel Case. (Except that, technically speaking, a Jewel Case is not a cube, but a rectangular prism). The hinges and clasps that hold a jewel-case together could be replaced with magnets, so that the elements of the device could turn.
Also, CD Jewel Cases could be made out of OTHER MATERIALS THAN PLASTIC (see illustration), materials that are more attractive, more natural–and more valuable.
1. PRESSED TIN
Pressed tin is already used for cases to hold CD and DVD collections. Making individual CDs of pressed tin, with intricate designs like the designs on pressed-tin ceilings, requires no additional steps.
2. CARVED WOOD
CD Jewel Cases of carved wood might be so beautiful that they would be displayed on consumer’s shelves and mantelpieces.
CUSTOMERS
Who would buy designer jewel-cases?
1. Consumers who buy attractive, well-made, appealing-to-look-at objects.
2. Recording companies, publishers, wholesalers, and retailers of CDs who want to protect their profits.
3. Musicians and artists who believe that disseminating their work in CD form will protect their royalties.
Custom-making jewel-cases and CDs makes the actual, physical CD in its case as valuable as the information stored on it.
It is a double appeal – the CD and its case, and the recording it contains.
Also, making CD Jewel Cases into works of art creates a whole secondary market in CD JEWEL CASE COLLECTIBLES.
